Pardon the BloggEruption

The Juice Box

The Astros have announced that the team has reached an agreement with Houston-based Minute Maid for the naming rights to their pathetic bandbox of a stadium, now to be known as Minute Maid Park at Union Station, thus providing it with one of the more ... disturbing ... acronyms in sports: MMPUS. Brings a few things to mind, notably blisters and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Maybe they can replace Junction Jack with an Oompa-Loompa.

I was in the Astrodome the day the team and city signed the agreement to build what was then called the BUS (Ballpark at Union Station). Milo Hamilton did his usually horrendous job of emceeing the pregame ceremony, managing to not only mispronounce his boss' name, but also to throw in an ill-timed "Holy Toledo." As I recall, the Astros beat the White Sox by a hefty amount, thanks to a pair of back-to-back dings by Bagpipes and Alou.

At any rate, the new association between the 'Stros and Minute Maid might have some interesting effects, though some on my list may merely be wishful thinking:

* The new fan moniker for Minute Maid Park just HAS to be The Juice Box.
* Someone will try to foment a rivalry between the Astros and Devil Rays with the subtext of Minute Maid vs. Tropicana. They will fail miserably.
* Coca-Cola is now fully entrenched with the organization (MM is a CC subsidiary), meaning the awful "Coca-Cola Patrol" and asinine Coke Rally Deck (or whatever the hell they call it) will continue.
* Replace Junction Jack and/or the Home Run Train with a more appropriate, Juice-based theme. I'll take the Syracuse Orange ball.
* Go back to the classic orange uniforms! (Definitely wishful thinking ... Drayton's enamored with his "brick, sand, and pinstripes" theme).
* SportsCenter will continually refer to any home runs in MMPUS as "juiced."

Sadly, none of this means that their bullpen will learn how to be effective or that we'll get any consistent run production. Unless, of course, the team starts following Cammy's advice and gets ... juiced. :-)